The key to keeping a relationship healthy, loving, positive and alive is the easiest and hardest thing you’ll ever need to do.  But, it’s the most important thing you’ll need in order to live your best life. An intimate relationship with one other person, especially made for you, is what you crave.  You were made that way. You were designed for only one other person in this world.  And that person was made for you. The problem we have is that, in an effort to prevent being “found out” we trick ourselves into finding the wrong person.  When we do manage to find the right person, we sabotage it for the same reason.

The answer to a healthy, loving, and alive relationship is easy–be honest and truthful, but it’s the hardest thing to do–be honest and truthful.  Here’s why: In order to be honest and truthful in the pursuit of the perfect, healthy relationship, you’ll need to put down your pride; be honest about your struggles; your failures; and the things in your life that embarrass you the most.  You’ll have to be honest about the things you fear; the things you hate; the things you worry about; the things that make you defensive; the things you’ve failed, and the things that put you in a rage. You’ll need to be willing to face things that make your armpits sweat; that give you headaches; that make your heart beat a thousand times a minute.

When I get backed into a corner, or feel like I’ll be forced to reveal something that I’m not ready to reveal, I yell, scream, threaten, ridicule, and chastise, all to protect myself from being ‘found out.’ And, for the moment, I am protected. Here’s what I think, “He has not broken through that layer, and I have kept hidden that thing I don’t want to remember!” But in the process, all that I have done, is keep him far away from me.  The more I do it, the farther and farther away from me, he gets.  Before I know it, I’m so far away I can barely recognize him and he can barely recognize me.

The way we be honest and truthful is to not worry about being “found out”. We must not worry that our partner will find out our deepest, darkest secrets. Give it up–the real you. Let yourself be known to your partner–every flaw, every insecurity, every fear, every doubt. When you’re with the right person, none of that will matter. Don’t fear looking stupid, or admitting to failure, or crying, or anything. Don’t hide.  Step into the light, and know that every little and big thing about you, is fine just the way it is. Love every strength and weakness, every good and bad thing, every ounce, every pound–and when you do, the only thing left to do, is give it to the one made for you.

I hope these tips have helped you!  I’m becoming an expert on love and relationships because of the many times I’ve failed. If you’d like to read about my journey in my raw and candid story, check out my books, Candy Canes and Coke, and Rescued By A God I Didn’t Know.  If you’re reading this article on my website, then you can click on books, but if you’re not, you can go to www.alohamomi.org. God Bless!