Accept that your spouse won’t always be able to be honest
Here’s the best relationship advice you’ll ever get. Accept that your spouse won’t always be able to be honest. What? Serious? Yes! And, if you have to, get off your high horse, because you won’t be able to be honest with him or her, either. This relationship advice will save you tons of heartache. There is no way we can be 100% honest. Our fear of rejection, embarrassment, ridicule, and our plain-ole human nature does not allow us to be. That’s one important, unchangeable, universal fact, that only God can change, and if He wanted to, He would have, so it is not happening. No matter how honest we aspire to be, we lie to others and to ourselves. When we accept that about human nature, we can accept small protective lies as inevitable, in our relationships. Then, when it happens, you’re not blown away, crazy upset because you’re feeling betrayed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing any kind of lies, but because I also can understand that our human nature, our will and forces in this world sometimes play against us, I know that little, harmful lies, that are told for the purpose of protecting ourselves, should be overlooked. Not that we shouldn’t address the lies because we should, but as partners of a person who lies, we have to ask ourselves why our partner lied in the first place. Questions like, “What is he or she trying to avoid? What is he or she embarrassed about? Why is it so hard for him to be honest with me? Do I set up an environment that is conducive to lies? Does he feel like if he tells me the truth I will jump down his throat, and rip out his intestines? Questions like these can get you thinking about the root cause of the lie(s), and if you take the next step, which is to answer the questions, and talk about the answers, lies can become fewer and farther between.
Be Christlike in combat
In a relationship, you can battle, be submissive, get your point across, hold on to your dignity (by not acting like a wild animal) and get what you want. In fact, that’s probably the only way to get what you want. For some reason, or maybe just because that’s all we know battling to be, we think battling means being tougher, louder, meaner, wild, and defeating the opponent. Battling in your most intimate relationship, should be approached like a strike. In a strike, both sides remove themselves from the relationship–for the time being. Both sides attempt to make their needs known by sharing information–picketing in some cases. A strike almost always results in compromise of both sides. Both sides enter into a contract having agreed upon components of the contract to which they can be content. The contract might not look exactly like what each side wanted, but for the most part, both sides can live well with the way the contract has developed from negotiation. I like what 2 Timothy 2:24–25 says about being in conflict with one another. “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth.” We can be Christlike in our combat, and receive exactly what we need. This brings us to the next tip.
Campaign for your needs.
When you want something bad enough, you do research. You figure out a plan on how you’re going to get what you want. You figure out what you need and where you need to get it. You rationalize. You make lists of the pros and cons, the advantages and disadvantages, the pluses and minuses of getting what you want. When in a relationship with your spouse there will be times when you need to campaign, or sell your idea to your spouse. So prepare to sell your idea. It’s all in the marketing, and all in the campaigning. Remember what Benjamin Franklin said about preparation. “When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.” He might as well have replaced that word with campaign.
Decide when, and of what, you will let go
Notice I didn’t say decide whether or not you will let go. I said decide of what you will let go. In fact, here’s the best relationship advice ever, ever! Make letting go a part of your daily routine, because believe me, they’ll be crap you’ll need to let go of on a daily basis. Think about it. We are all different…in everything. With all that difference there’s bound to be blockages to having the best relationships ever. These blockages come in the form of miscommunication, misinterpretation, misunderstanding, and misdiagnosis. You’re bound to get pissed off, feel slighted, feel rejected, not agree, and vehemently disagree. Sometimes you’ll think that you can’t let go, but most of the time we think that, we’re wrong. Sit down with yourself, and ask the very simple question, what will happen if I let this go? Most times, the answer is simply, everything will be fine, and I’ll avoid an altercation that I really don’t want to get into anyway. Honestly,
9 out of 10 times, letting go is the right thing to do. Letting go gets easier as we get older, because as we get older, not that much matters. The little things are just that, little things.
I hope these tips have helped you! Like I said, I’m becoming an expert because of the many times I’ve failed. If you’d like to read about my journey in my raw and candid story, check out my books, Candy Canes and Coke, and Rescued By A God I Didn’t Know. If you’re reading this article on my website, then you can click on books, but if you’re not, you can go to www.alohamomi.org. God Bless!