If you were lost would you ask for help? The best relationship tip youʻll ever get: Ask for help.
When we travel, we make sure we have snacks, water, our cell phones, our google maps, and maybe an atlas (for us old folks). Along the way, even with the right tools, we make mistakes; we read the signs wrong; or we miss an off-ramp, so we ask others for help. Side-of-the-road gas stations were frequently visited on my interstate explorations. There was no shame. Simply, I got out of my car; told anyone whoʻd listen I was lost; asked for instructions to get where I wanted to go. I got exactly what I asked for, then got back in my car– no problem, except for that short little detour, where I usually got refueled anyway.
Relationships are sort of like that. Along the way, we make mistakes. We miss signs. We think we saw a sign that wasnʻt really there. We read a sign wrong, or miss an off-ramp. At some point or another we realize we are off course. Dependant upon how long it takes us to realize weʻre on the wrong path, we re-evaluate the journey, the destination, and the traveling companions. When we get lost we can ask for directions, but when we need help with our relationships, we choose not to ask. We rather suffer then ask. Why is that?
[highlight dark=”no”]Read More: 2 Tips about Healthy Relationship[/highlight]
Somewhere weʻve learned that if we canʻt get things together ourselves, we are idiots. Or, because we think everyone else has their shit together, we are embarrassed to admit our struggles. Iʻll tell you what Iʻve learned after 42 years of making mistakes, being half the problem in messy relationships–intimate or not. I can share with you personal experiences where it took me miles and miles of barren travel to figure out I was on the wrong path. I can share with you personal experiences with traveling companions that I should not have been with. I wish I realized, earlier, that I should have asked for help. If I did, I wouldnʻt have made some of the poor choices that I did. Once I decided to be real with myself and with others, I received the help I needed. There were people of whom I asked directions, that were too busy. Because I knew I needed to change, I kept asking. I always found someone willing to help, as long as I didnʻt stop asking. And, I have never been disappointed. Every piece of advice helps, because it gets you to the place you need to be, always! I think the most important thing to know about relationships is that they are messy. Relationships are complicated. Relationships take patience and effective communication. They need direction, inspiration, and motivation.
Until we stop being embarrassed to ask for help, weʻll always get lost, and sometimes weʻll stay lost and end up God knows where, miles and miles off the beaten path. My husband and I have been going to counseling for about 3 months now. Every week we meet with our counselor Jessica Torralva at the Family Tree Project in Kapolei. Thank God for making that choice to ask for help. Thank God she was there to help. My husband and I take less detours. We enjoy each other as traveling companions. Imagine being on a long road trip, with your best friend, your favorite snacks, music, and all the navigation tools you need. Imagine a gas station every mile along the roadway, where you can ask for help anytime you need it, and people were there to help. Those are the kinds of relationships we can have if we stop trying to go at them alone. Help is available. You can call your own family practitioner, or at places like the Family Tree Project. Get excited about sharing your struggles, because thatʻll take you to your successes.